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Soul_Searching813
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Name: Soul_Searching813
Location:
Gender: Male
Interests: Writing, Lifting Weights, Running, Surfing the Net, Euchre, Movies, Family Guy, Listening to Music, Chilling with my friends, Shopping, Food, People/The Human Mind, Life
Expertise: Psychology
Message: message me
Member Since:
3/29/2004
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| I figured out tonight how I'm going to beat you.
I'm going to take in the souls you've twisted, the hearts you've broken, and I'm going to mend them, one person at a time. One shoulder, one tear, one life at a time. I'm going to show these people that they are good on their own. I'm going to show them their worth, that they deserve love and acceptance, regardless of what they believe in. Regardless of what people like you believe in.
I'm going to show the world a better way. A way that doesn't involve dogma, narrow-mindedness, and bigotry.
My ultimate revenge, will be showing every one that walks through my door that your way is inferior, and that true strength lies within themselves. One by one, I'll help the world lose faith in people like you.
Maybe then, the real followers can take their faith back. Maybe someday, people like me won't exist, because they never had to walk away in the first place.
Much Love,
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| I'm beginning to see some people for who they really are, and I don't always like what I see.
I've been there for you through so much, and yet the one time I've actually needed you, in as long as I can remember, you weren't there. You didn't even try.
I'll remember that next time.
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| My papers have finally been graded and returned. My 30-some page paper on Adolescent Depression Assessment got a 95 (which I'm totally thrilled about because I totally didn't even turn it in early for an optional revision). My 20-some page paper on Mental Health Issues in Gay Adolescents got a 93, which I'm honestly way happier about. I feel like I put a lot more heart into that paper, and the fact that it was worth 30% of my grade really puts my mind at ease. Without a doubt three of my classes are A's so far, and I'm down to one more class. It's an online final that I'm getting ready to take right now, but I'm really nervous. I've hated this particular class all semester. Online classes definitely aren't all they're cracked up to be, or maybe it was just the topic I couldn't get into. Statistics is just never going to be anything but boring to me I guess, no matter what format the class is set in.
Anyway, wish me luck...
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| So at the ripe age of 23, I've already lost the Holiday Spirit. I don't know what's up with me. I know I'm a cynical person. I know I can't go five minutes without rolling my eyes or muttering something sarcastic. I'm fully aware that I find virtually everything obnoxious, inferior, or downright stupid. Still, I use to always be able to count on this time of the year to bring out the best in me, and ultimately remind me that humanity (A.K.A. God's 2nd place junior high science fair project) is still worth going out and being a part of. To be honest, I just don't know anymore.
The fact that I've backspaced the world "Christmas" to replace it with something more politically correct about three times already is just at the top of my list of reasons why the Holidays just don't mean anything to me anymore. Ironically, the Christians have ultimately killed Christmas. I didn't use to mind saying "Merry Christmas" to people, until the Christians started in on this fuss about "X-mas". That's where I remember it all starting. "X-mas" wasn't ok, because you're "cutting out Christ". Then, you got those people that got ticked off when you said "Happy Holidays" because, dammit, they celebrate Christmas, and if you do too then you need to acknowledge it and be proud of it. I swear, no group will ever go down in history for starting fights over semantics as much as the Christians will. Ultimately, I now actively stop myself from saying "Merry Christmas", not because I'm worried about being PC, but because I'm tired of the Christian Coalition acting like they own abstract ideas and concepts, you know, like marriage. I don't worry about offending my friends of different faiths. They understand they are typically a minority, and that's something more and more I feel I can relate to. Should I incorrectly tell my Jewish friend, "Merry Christmas", they'll interpret my well-wishes as just that, well wishes and nothing more, overlooking my moment of ignorance. I feel it's them that truly embody the spirit of the season, and ironically, they aren't even associated with the faith this season is most famous for.
Then, as my boyfriend pointed out, Black Friday is the day AFTER THANKSGIVING. Think about that, the busiest shopping day of the year, is only one day after the holiday where you're suppose to be THANKFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE. One day after giving thanks for friends, family, and life, we stampede out into the early hours of the morning eager to greedily snatch up all the coolest "stuff" and hit up all the best sales (while they last!) It's just so commercialized and detrimental to what this whole season is suppose to be about. My sister made the comment to my mom the other day that she wasn't sure her budget would allow her to buy gifts for everyone this year, and my mom flipped out on her. My mother, the Queen of Appearances, couldn't fathom the thought of a Christmas without gifts stacked neatly under the tree. I get where she's coming from, Christmas without presents sucks...but that's not even what this day is suppose to be about. We aren't Jesus, and He was the one getting presents, not us. This is all just a excuse for our country to go out and spend millions of dollars over the course of a month to annually boost our economy. Not exactly what God was striving for, I would imagine.
Whenever I see a Salvation Army bucket, I put money in it. To me, it's one of the few Holiday (and yes, I did backspace Christmas just now) traditions I find any merit in. Giving to those less fortunate, donating to those who need help is what this time of year is suppose to be about. I'd love to go volunteer this season, to feel like I'm making some kind of difference. Unfortunately, studying for grad school and writing those papers has largely robbed me of my free time and my social life. Even minus my job, I'm just way too busy to go out and do what I want to do, which ironically doesn't consist entirely of getting wasted off of eggnog and watching the 24 hour marathon of A Christmas Story on TBS (though that does sound nice). I think that's another thing that's really bringing me down amid all of this. Fall vanished and I didn't even notice. I opened my window one morning and saw snow on the ground, and it hit me that this is what my life is going to be like for the next two years: A blur. No time to stop and smell the roses, literally. The world is just going to keep passing me by until grad school is over, and that in itself is just so depressing.
I don't know. I'm just happy that I still have spending time with my friends to look forward to, and the winter break will give me some quality time with Michael. That's what this time of year has always been about for me, just spending time with the people who make my life the most fulfilling. Holiday dinner at Elise's never fails to leave me in high spirits, so here's hoping that the Holiday spirit is just a little slow coming my way this year, and I can count on the company of good people to raise me up, just like they always do. :)
Much Love,
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| Life's a game
But it's not fair
I break the rules
So I don't care
So I keep doing my own thing
Walking tall against the rain
Victory's within the mile
Almost there, don't give up now
I finished my last paper of the semester today, including references, 27 pages. No matter what the grade, I owe Ellen (my professor) for really driving home a point I've needed to see all semester. I think this assignment has been more beneficial to me than any other assignment I've had in college.
The original structure of the assignment was to select a topic in the mental health field, and synthesize a review of the literature, not to exceed 15 pages (thankfully, this page limit didn't include the title page, abstract, or references, though I still went over a page). For my topic, I chose "Mental Health Issues in the GLBT Community." Originally, I chose the topic because it was a generic idea that I figured I'd have an innate ability to write about. I knew deep down I was connected to the material, but was steered more toward manipulating that connection to get a good grade. As I researched this paper I realized how wrong I had been in approaching it that way. I should have been using my emotional connection to the subject to perfect the best possible paper I could, and as I spent literally days of time researching and writing in the stacks, I found myself immersed. There were times I didn't want to stop reading, and I honestly can't remember the last time any book caught my attention to that extent. I was reviewing material I knew wouldn't even wind up in the paper, but I didn't care. With every haunting statistic, with every sad ending, with every political and humanitarian atrocity I read about, I became more and more determined to learn everything I could about my culture, and about myself.
Did you know that in order to "cure" homosexuality, scientists have attempted hormone injections, lobotomies, and even castrations?
Did you know the leader of Homosexuals Anonymous, one of the largest anti-gay organizations in existence, stepped down from his position after sexual assaulting at least 12 of his "patients"?
Did you know, that one in three gay teenagers attempts suicide every year, and that gay suicide accounts for 33% of all teen suicides?
Did you know...that in one study, where discrimination and stigma was not present in any of the test subjects, less than 1/5 of gay teenagers claimed to be unhappy with their sexuality? The other 80+% claimed they were just as content with their sexuality and their same-sex relationships as heterosexuals in the control group. Imagine a world with no stigma, no discrimination, no judgment, no brimstone...imagine the lives that could be saved. Imagine the pain that could be stopped.
Did you know? I do now. It has finally hit me. My dreams aren't off in the distance anymore. This isn't high school. This isn't undergrad. I'm here. The people I set out to help...they're right here now. I'm too close now, not to give it everything I have.
Much Love,
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